Resolution
by DRL
Summary: Wufei makes a heartbreaking New Years resolution


Resolution

By DRL

It was 4.00 in the afternoon and Wufei's thoughts turned to his usual late-afternoon dilemma – what to have for supper. He pulled open his desk drawer, rummaged around amongst the pens, pencils, paperclips and drawing pins until he found a coin. Pulling it out, he tossed it lightly from one hand to the other as if testing its weight.

"Right," He said aloud, "heads, fish & chips, tails, Chinese takeaway." He flipped the coin with his thumb and watched as it spun upwards. As it reached the apex of its flight, a tonelessly musical sound rent the air. The coin clattered to the floor, forgotten as Wufei's eyes turned towards the office door, where his suit jacket hung neatly on a hanger. The melody played a second time, then silence fell once more.

"Treize." Wufei whispered. He crossed the room to the door and removed a miniscule cellphone from the inside pocket of his jacket. He looked at the tiny screen and saw the telltale envelope icon that confirmed what the melody had already heralded. He depressed a button on the phone and read the words that appeared on the screen.

I'LL BE ROUND THIS EVENING SEVEN THIRTY

He looked up from the screen, his heart pounding in his breast and his breath coming heavily. This was the message he had been waiting for since New Year's Day, so why was he filled with such panic? His fingers swiftly flew over the keys on the consol as he entered a message.

NO DON'T COME

He looked at the screen for a long moment, then depressed another button, sending the message. He returned to his desk and lowered himself slowly onto his chair. He placed the phone carefully on the desk beside his blotter. There would be more, he knew it. Treize was never one to take no for an answer. He lifted the cover of a buff-coloured folder on his desk and began to read the topmost sheet. He had read through half of the first paragraph before the melody sounded again. Wufei picked up the phone and read the newly-registered message.

SEE YOU AT SEVEN THIRTY

With a heavy sigh that puffed out his cheeks, he dropped the cellphone onto the blotter. Bending down, he groped for the coin that had fallen earlier. He looked at it and shook his head.

"There goes my fish & chips." He said.

He deposited the coin into the desk drawer and turned his attention back to the file he had begun reading. At least he **_tried_** to turn his attention back to the file, but failed dismally. Instead his thoughts kept turning to Treize and his impending visit. Wufei was disgusted with himself. This was his first opportunity to make good on his New Year's resolution and he was already wavering. He had sent the message telling Treize not to come simply as a stalling tactic, which had failed as dismally as his attempts to get on with some work.

"Coward!" He chided himself.

He spent the rest of the afternoon reading the file. It was a contract with a new client and as Personal Assistant to the Vice President, it was Wufei's job to read through the contract and check the fine print for any nasty surprises. By 6.00 he had read through the contract, redrafted several clauses and added one or two new ones. He tidied his already tidy desk, put on his jacket, retrieved his cellphone and left his office, dropping the contract, now sealed in a manilla envelope, into the outgoing mail tray.

He sang along to the CD in his car stereo all the way home, jigging about in his seat as he drove. His job was well-paid, but not well-paid enough to enable him to afford the luxury car he drove. If any of his colleagues wondered how he could afford it they held their peace, because although they often admired it, the cost aspect was never mentioned, leastwise not within earshot.

'If only they knew.' He thought with a wry smile.

As soon as he got home he disrobed and stepped into the shower. He showered and shampooed his hair quickly, emerging in a fluffy white bathrobe, with an equally fluffy and white towel wrapped around his head. After brushing his teeth, he shrugged off the bathrobe and unwound the towel from his head. Standing in front of the mirrored door to his medicine chest, he grabbed a wide-toothed comb and dragged it through his shoulder-length, coal-black hair, combing it back from his forehead and allowing it to fall softly around his face, into a natural side parting. The towel had absorbed most of the excess moisture and he hoped that the warm air in the apartment would dry the rest before Treize arrived.

Naked, he padded back to the bedroom and dressed himself, casually but carefully in blue jeans and a white t-shirt. The jeans rode low on his narrow hips and were a snug fit through to the knee, where they widened to a gentle boot flare at the hem. The t-shirt too was a snug fit. It stopped a scant centimetre or two shy of the belted waistband of his jeans, giving a tantalising glimpse of bare midriff whenever he moved. He donned neither shoes nor socks, leaving his feet bare. Studying himself in the full-length mirror of his wardrobe, he nodded with satisfaction. Treize would definitely approve.

With Treize's arrival imminent, he tidied his bedroom and bathroom, then curled up on his living room sofa and waited. He played and replayed the forthcoming scene over and over again in his mind, but still he could not find the words, the words he had been both desperate to say and dreaded saying in equal measure for the past three days.

The doorbell rang dead on 7.30. Treize was as punctual as ever. Wufei had long suspected that he actually hung around outside the door until the appointed hour, then rung the bell. He had even tested the theory by opening the door a minute or two before, hoping to catch Treize out. He never had, but he still harboured suspicions. He uncoiled himself and walked slowly to the door.

He opened the door, vouchsafed his visitor no more than a cursory glance, then stepped aside to allow him access. Well, Wufei thought, if his curt answer to Treize's message didn't give him an idea that something was in the wind, this certainly would. Wufei's glance had taken in Treize's casual sweater and slacks, his handsome face, his well-coifed auburn hair, his ice-blue eyes and his winning smile, and that that point he wanted nothing so much as to launch himself at the other man with all the enthusiasm of his usual welcome, his resolution be damned, but he held himself in check with an effort of will.

Treize stepped into the hallway and Wufei's nostrils were immediately assailed by the sweet, musky scent of his cologne, a smell that usually drove him wild with desire. Willing himself not to weaken, he turned, stalked back to the living room and threw himself down upon the sofa. Treize, who had followed him into the room, stood in the doorway, arms folded across his chest, leaning against the door jamb.

"What, no welcoming kiss for me?" He asked with a hint of merriment in is voice. Wufei looked up sharply and met Treize's gaze for the first time.

"Did you get my message?" He asked coldly.

"Did you get mine?" Treize countered, again with mirth in his voice.

Wufei turned away from him with a scowl of annoyance. Treize was obviously not taking him seriously, but he soon would. He looked back to where the other man stood in the doorway.

"Treize, I don't think we should see each other any more." To Wufei's satisfaction the other's smile faltered a little. Then he recovered himself and walked into the room. He knelt on the rug in front of Wufei and, taking a small hand in his, pressed it to his lips.

"So what's wrong with my fiery little dragon hmm? He said in the tone of one pacifying a fretful child. "What's gotten him all hot under the collar?" This tactic, a favourite of Treize's, actually worked with Wufei more often than he would care to admit, but not today. Wufei wrenched his hand free and wrapped his arms around his body, hugging himself.

"Don't fucking patronise me Treize." He spat.

Treize's smile disappeared instantly and was replaced with a concerned frown. He rose and took a seat on the sofa beside Wufei, who shunted up into the opposite corner of the chair, as if attempting to put as much distance between the two of them as he possibly could. He drew his legs up onto the seat beside him and looked pointedly away from his visitor.

"What's wrong Fei?" Treize said, all levity and merriment gone, replaced with genuine concern, "Did something happen at work? Is it Milliardo?" At the mention of his boss's name Wufei gave a snort of derision.

"I tell you that I don't think we should see each other any more and you ask me if something happened at work?" He shot Treize a contemptuous look. "What kind of a wuss do you think I am?" Treize prudently remained silent, closing his mouth over the words that immediately sprang to his lips. Wufei sighed heavily. "I'm just tired Trieze," he said wearily, "I can't do this anymore."

"Fei I..." Treize began, but Wufei cut him off.

"No Treize," he said sharply, "I have to say this. I have been waiting a long time to get it off my chest. Do you know where I was when the clock struck twelve on New Years day?"

"I thought..., didn't you go to Duo and Heero's party? Treize asked.

"Yes, I went to the party," Wufei nodded, "But when the clock struck twelve, bringing in the New Year, do you know where I was? I was outside on the balcony, all on my own. While everyone else was inside, all wishing each other a happy new year, all hugging and kissing each other, I was alone on the balcony looking in at everyone. I watched them all pairing off with their lovers and partners, and all I could do was blow a kiss to **_my_** lover because he was miles away, no doubt doing the same thing as everyone else at the party was at that point, but not with me." He added hoarsely. He looked down at the bold, geometric pattern on the rug. "I slipped away home shortly after that, and do you know what? No-one even missed me."

"**_I_** missed you." Treize said quietly. This earned him another look from Wufei, but this time there was no animosity, only a profound sadness. He smiled a weak but grateful smile in spite of himself, and continued.

"I spoke with Duo the next day about something completely unrelated, and while he raved about how great the party was, he didn't even mention the fact that I had disappeared somewhere in the middle of it, without saying goodbye. But then again, why on earth **_should_** he notice? He had Heero to occupy his attention. Everyone had someone, so why should they notice me? Poor, sad old Wufei who is always on his own - poor, sad old Wufei who never has a date."

"Fei, I'm so sorry." Treize said lamely.

"Oh don't apologise," Wufei said beneficently, "It's my own stupid fault. Firstly, I should never have gone to that party. I knew exactly what to expect. After all, it's not as though it were the first time is it? And secondly, I knew what I was getting into when I got involved with a married man. I knew that I would always play second fiddle." He shot an accusing look at Treize.

"You're not second fiddle." Trieze said placatingly.

"No?" Wufei spat back. "Then why was I on my own on New Year's Eve?" Why did I have to wait three days before I heard from you? Three days Treize!"

"What could I do?" Treize began defensively. "We were with Anne's family and..."

"I don't want to hear it." Wufei said coldly, cutting him off with a dismissive wave. "Suffice it to say that I know exactly where I stand with you. But I can't really complain though," he went on, "As I said, I knew the score from the outset. What else could I expect from a married man? Anne is your wife, for all you say that she doesn't understand you..."

"I have never said that Anne doesn't understand me!" Treize interposed angrily, and Wufei gave a small smile of satisfaction. At last he had managed to pierce Treize's seemingly impenetrable_ sang froid_.

"Perhaps not," he conceded, "but you do admit that you have certain 'duties' to perform as her husband, and I'm sure you perform them admirably," he added dryly, with a sidelong look at Treize, "however, you quite clearly feel no sense of duty towards me as merely your lover." Treize looked pained but he ignored the bait. He reached out and touched Wufei gently on the thigh.

"Fei..." He began.

"Let me finish Trieze." Wufei said irritably, and the hand was swiftly withdrawn.

"As I said, I'm not complaining about the way you treat me." He went on. "I can see that you feel you are doing the best you can under difficult circumstances, but as hard as you feel things are for you, I just want you to see exactly how they are from my point of view.

From the first moment I saw you I was completely mad with passion and desire for you, and those feelings haven't cooled one bit over the years." He looked across at Treize and he saw an answering fire in the other man's eyes. He looked away again and continued. "At that time, although I knew you were married and you made it quite clear that there was no question of your leaving her, I thought that it didn't matter. I was young and idealistic then and you were my first love. I thought I could exist on whatever crumbs you were willing to throw to me. Whenever you came to me and we made love it was wonderful. It was as though I had been granted a little glimpse of heaven every time. You were my first lover as well as my first love, and whatever people might say, that really does mean something. What I felt for you was overwhelming and I would have done anything for you Trieze, absolutely anything. I would have endured anything too."

Wufei was staring down at the rug as he spoke, but now he turned his head slightly and stole a look at Treize through his lashes. He saw that Treize was gazing fixedly at him, a direct gaze that gave nothing away, yet spoke volumes. Wufei levered himself up so that he now knelt on his haunches on the sofa cushion, facing Treize.

"I never really thought much about you and Anne back then. I understood that it was difficult for you. You were a man of rank and high social standing and you were newly married to a beautiful woman from an equally prominent family. I sympathised with you because your marriage was really a loveless union of two powerful dynasties and you were both pawns in a power game played by your respective families. All this I knew back then. What I have since come to realise is that to cap it all, you also happened to be the President of the company I work for, and of course we couldn't have the President of Kushrenada Industries compromised by gossip about a tawdry affair with a secretary from the typing pool now could we? That's the main reason for all the secrecy isn't it? It's not Anne or the family, it's the business."

"Wufei that's not fair." Treize ejaculated with some warmth, his blue eyes flashing angrily

"Perhaps not, but it's true isn't it?" Wufei shot back. "A bit exaggerated in parts, but true enough in essence. Okay, perhaps I was never a secretary from the typing pool, but the rest is quite true." Treize glared at him with eyes like daggers, but although his jaw worked visibly, he did not gainsay Wufei. Wufei smiled coyly, put his lips to Treize's ear and spoke in a low, sultry voice, "I would walk along the executive corridor and catch sight of you moving from your office to the boardroom, all imperiousness and professionalism, and I would think about you the night before, hot and sweaty as you pounded relentlessly into me. Have you any idea how many times I was forced into the men's room to 'relieve' myself?"

Treize looked at him and a warm, intimately knowing look passed between the two men. Treize held out his hand and Wufei took it, holding it tightly. They remained silent for a while, their mutual love mixed with the hopelessness of their situation binding them. Then Wufei dropped his gaze and released Treize's hand. He turned and resumed his former position in the corner of the sofa.

"I thought it would be enough, but it isn't." He said as he picked up a mink-fur scatter cushio, and hugged it to his chest. "It isn't enough Treize. I used to be able to do it, to wait until you could find the time to come to me, to take whatever precious time you could spare me, but I can't anymore. I can't take the falling asleep in your arms and waking up alone in a cold, empty bed. I can't take the stolen moments and hurried, clandestine meetings, always skulking and hiding as if we were doing something wrong. I suppose in the eyes of the world we are doing something wrong because you are a married man, but we love each other and how can love be wrong?"

"It can be when you love one person but you've taken a solemn vow to love another." Treize said darkly.

"No," Wufei said vehemently, "in that case it's not the love that's wrong but the vow. You can't choose who you fall in love with any more than you can love someone just because someone else says you must."

"That's true enough, in theory." Treize replied.

"I'm just fed up now, fed up and angry." Wufei said, pounding his fist into the cushion. "It's been two years, two long, arduous years of suppressing my love for you. Two long years of having to pretend to my friends that I am a cold, hard, passionless rock who doesn't want any emotional entanglements, simply so that I don't get inundated with innumerable ultimately disastrous blind dates, arranged for me by well-meaning friends in an attempt to 'fix me up' with someone. God only knows what they must think of me. I have a pretty shrewd idea and it disgusts me. I must cut a pathetically pitiable figure, but I don't want their pity, I don't want them feeling sorry for me. I want to be able to tell them that I'm actually just like them, that I laugh and I cry, and I need warmth, love and affection just like they do. I just want to be like everybody else Treize, is that too much to ask?" He looked around, but Treize was himself now studying the rug intently.

"No Fei, it's not too much to ask." He said gently.

"I just want what they have." Wufei continued. "I see Duo and Heero making a life for themselves together, and Quatre and Trowa are even married now. You have no idea how much I envy them. I pretend that the last thing I want are any entanglements of that kind, but I would cut off my right arm to have them, I mean to really have them." He added, shooting a sidelong glance at Treize. "This having to suppress my true nature is wearing me down Trieze, and New Years Eve was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I made a resolution as I watched everyone celebrating that night, and I'm keeping it now." He turned to Treize. "I'm 22 years old and I feel as if my life is over before I've really lived it. I have to live Treize, really live, like Duo and Heero, and Quatre and Trowa do. I need to find someone who I can live my life with me, not on the periphery. Someone who I can take to parties, and go to the movies with, and go on vacation with and introduce to my friends and hang out with..., maybe even live with and eventually marry..."

Wufei broke off and took a deep breath that was somewhere between a gasp and a sob. His voice began to break up as he continued.

"I love you so much Treize, more than I thought it possible to ever love anyone, but I can't have any of those things with you." He sobbed again and scrubbed angrily at a tear that had the temerity to fall. Treize reached to pull him close but Wufei pushed him away. "No," He said with unwavering resolve, "No, I have to do this. Do you know what?" He said, smiling through the tears that flowed quite freely now, "I wish I really was that cold, passionless bastard that everyone thinks I am, because it would make this a whole lot easier."

"Fei, please..." Treize moved along the sofa to sit close to Wufei and tried again to take him in his arms.

"No Treize," Wufei shrugged him off once again, "Can't you see, it's over. I..., I'm sorry."

A silence fell between them for a while, during which the only sound was an occasional gentle sob from Wufei.

"I have a present for you." Treize said suddenly. Wufei looked up at him, his tear-filled eyes wide with incredulity.

"A present?" He hissed, "You think that a present will make me change my mind? My god, what kind of a fatuous little idiot do you take me for? But then that's your usual ploy isn't it?" Wufei spat, his despair suddenly replaced by a mounting anger, "Just give him a present and it will keep him happy, pliant and quiet for a while." Treize rose.

"I'll be back soon." He said and he walked calmly out of the room to the front door.

"Don't fucking bother." Wufei called angrily after him, and in a fit of temper he threw the mink-fur cushion he had been toying with at Treize's retreating back.

"Fucking bastard." Wufei swore as he grabbed another cushion and hugged it to his chest once again, burying his face in the soft fur. He thought of all of the lavishly expensive gifts that Treize had given him and that he had always taken as tokens of his lover's affection. He thought of the car he drove every day, the Rolex watch he wore, the Mont Blanc pen he used at work, the very cushion he now held, all of these things, and more he had cherished because Treize had given them to him and they served to remind him of his absentee lover. But could they really have been just the price of Wufei's compliance and a quiet life for Trieze? As he pondered this the door bell rang again. Wufei ignored it. After three or four more lengthy peals he rose irritably, stomped through the hall and pulled open the door.

"I said don't fucking..." He stopped short as Treize ushered him aside and calmly stepped passed him into the hallway, depositing two large suitcases and a suit carrier onto the floor, all emblazoned with the 'Louis Vuitton' logo. Wufei gaped at him in stunned silence as the older man turned to him, dusting off his hands, and smiled.

"You're not the only one who made a New Year's resolution Fei." He said and he took Wufei in his arms.

9


End file.
